Supergirladding

I Miss You Again! :'(

2010-09-24T12:26:00.000+08:00

Ok, due to the health of his grandmother..they leave last night for Baloi to spend the last minute of his grandmother. I was so stunned when he went up on me to say they were leaving. A news that I so much hate! How sad for his lola but death is inevitable.

We were texting then til 11 am becuase he asked me to sleep na and so I did. By around 1 am I woke up and I checked my fon, I replied to his message..

Amer: Miz u.. :(

Me: :’(

Amer: smile lang tah para safe..

Me: ganun na nga..wag nating hayaan manalo ang lungkot sa oras nato. Sakit sa hart!

Amer: pls, don’t reply hap? :( Mamimiz kita higit. Hap? Sleep na..pls?

Me: mas gusto ko mag reply, sori? Labyu mahal ko. Smile na tau. C’mon na! iiyak bb mu pag di ka mag smile.

Amer: :( labyu!

Me: hehehe.. opo. Kinilig tuloy aq. Mahal lang talaga kita Amer. :D

Amer: hahahaha..labyu mahal ko. Pasaway! Nah sleep na hap?

Me: labyu..labyu..labyu..

Amer: nah! Di ko mapigil maka reply nito..Cge nah bb hap? Don’t repz..pls naman?

Right now, I don’t want to recognize the sad feelings because it won’t do me any good. He was hoping to bring me with him last night but the happenings were to fast that the two of us can’t even think of what the right thing to do. I wasn’t even able to hug him.

Just take care of your self there mahal ko and spend time with your loving lola.

Priceless Happiness! ♥

2010-09-24T12:25:00.000+08:00

Today, I woke up with a very-not-so-happy-heart. Yes, I admit my paranoid mind touches my jealous heart these past days. Which I rarely felt in-spite of my me-myself-and-I attitude (human nature).

But later this afternoon, I felt an ease and joy that I wished to feel everyday but life is a constant change indeed and deal with it!

I would be hypocrite if I say not even half of my happiness was not a product of him. No! Because I would absolutely say, he is one of my priceless happiness everyday. He was like my daily supplement of happy vitamins.

I’m not saying this because I was in the state of love but with all honesty? I’m saying this because this is the reality within me. Every second, minute, hours, days that I am with him was like a renewal of self. A ray of hope and faith.

The way we discuss things out of our feelings teaches me to be open minded which I am struggling with because I was not perhaps. I always put myself into one dimension that I found myself suffocated on my own little bubble. When we discuss such issues (especially on me), he never embarks or never put into consideration that I am her special someone and so he have to take my side on this. No! If he knew I was faced with controversial issues primarily on my group, he guides me always. He’s my compass to come up with a proper decision making.

It hurts on my part though when he says ‘May ka-away ka? Sinu na naman ka-away mo?’, really it hurts because he was like accusing me that I am a trouble-maker. But he taught me to be open-minded and he knows I’m not. Though he admits that I am ‘maldita’. It goes to show that I am not perfect, just a vulnerable human being but he sees me almost close to perfection.

The priceless happiness there? When my family finally sees his good heart. Papa said when we are having a worship, Amer was right daw. Every human has its shadow but that shadow can only be moved by you. I was even touched on how my mom treats Amer now. Yes, my mom and I has been to a tug-of-war situation because of our relationship (Amer). During those times, my heart was coated with anger and grudges, not knowing the real feelings of Amer during those times. I even cried in-front of him about it, begging him to say what he felt but the only thing he said? ‘Masyado mo kasing dinidibdib ang lahat ng bagay, magiging ok din to at okay lang ako. Ikaw lang ang iniisip ko..’

God it breaks my heart! But he was right, we just let things fall to its proper places and here we are now. We have a healthy relationship with our parents and both parties! I know Amer is not so good in comprehending my skills such as this but his understanding to the reality around him makes me say ‘I wish half of his thinking can be inherited by me..’, if not let our kids be! :)

T’was really made my day filled with a priceless happiness. Thank you Lord for sharing him on me. We just owe everything to you to where we are now.

Before we bid goodnight to each other, I was so touched the moment that he hugged me and say.. I miss you! I don’t know why it just made me feel so special or I guess I’ve waited for these past days for him to say it.

Oldies But Goodies! ♥

2010-09-24T12:24:00.000+08:00

God knows I prayed for someone..

Who will say… “You are beautiful!”.

Who will say… “Sex can wait!”.

Whom I’m not afraid to cry in-front of him.

Who will hold my hand for no apparent reason.

Who will hug me when I’m sad and for no reason at all.

Who will stare at me just because he can’t take his eyes off on me.

Who will wait for me outside just to see me.

Who will cuddle me like a baby.

…and God answered my prayer as you all know. It was him who welcomed my fantasy into reality. It was him who win me back from my saddest misery. It was him who build great friendship outside the relationship. It was him who would rather give up the argument just because he wants to give me a sweet dreams. It was him who loves to listen to my unfulfilled dreams.

Now I want him…

To see in bed when I wake up every morning.

To be my last companion every night.

To be the father of my future children.

To be the grandfather of our grandchildren.

To be the man whom I’ll give the word “I do!”

..yesterday we celebrated another month of friendship and love. We’re still in-love just like yesterday! It was simple but the very special celebration that we have so far. We just had a walk to the beach. Spent the whole afternoon and evening at the beach laughing, giggling, teasing, cuddling…all the lovers happiness! Looking at him, holding each others hands makes me say, ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with you Amer..’

I hope our endearment Lolo-Lola will absolutely give as the ticket to a lifetime happiness. I want to sit with him on a hammock (just as the picture shows), while talking to our grandchildren the tale of our love-story.

Thank you Lord for guiding us as always. For guiding us with Love and Respect for each other and hope to be the oldies but goodies just as the photos up there.

I Love It! ♥

2010-09-24T12:23:00.002+08:00

I love it…when he texts me ‘labyu bb!’ even if I’m just next to him.

I love it…when he says ‘Mataid!’ though I felt most of the time I’m not.

I love it..when he held me close in his arms and say ‘Ang bango mo!’ even if I did not take a bath yet.

I love it…when he pinches my armpit and say ‘Gusto ko yung kili-kili mo!’ though it’s so weird.

I love it…when he jokes about my get-ups even if it means ‘I hate seeing you wearing that!’

I love it…when he says ‘Time to sleep na bb..tabi ako hap?’ even if he didn’t slept beside me at all.

I love it…when he leaves a note on my phone and it would just snooze, to see it was just his note reminding me how much he loves me.

I love it…when says ‘Sorry!’ even if t’was my fault.

I love it…when he said ‘Uyab baya kita, kung may probs ka problema ko rin!’

I love it…when he hugs me in times that I’m not ok and say ‘Ok lang yan bb, labyu!’

I just love it…when he just hold my hand and would not say anything.

and then I’ll say…‘I love it when I say, I love you Amer!’ ♥

2010-09-24T12:23:00.001+08:00

Today, Amer and I were heading somewhere. He’ll leave for Baloi (he’s birth place) and me to Butuan and Surigao. But before we leave for a vacation, we spend time together and I just want to share our bonding last night and just this morning.

Last night we had a movie watch. We watched Wrong Turn 11 which was so creepy, kelan ba naging smooth yung wrong turn? Hehehehe..anyways, after watching I sit closely beside him. He just gave me a look. I sigh softly…

Me: Mer? (sigh)

Amer: (giving me a wonder look) ha?

Me: (speaking softly and kinda shy) Nagugutom ako..

Amer: (laughing) Ay sus! Kala ko kung anu..

(exchange of words sweetly and then leaves..)

After a minute he’s back and then handed me a tuna can, sadly t’was hot ‘n spicy whom I don’t like eating then. But gotta have no choice but to eat it because I’m starving. Him watching pa rin and then I sit beside him again..

Me: Mer? Sino gising sa inyo? Tambay tayu dun sa labas niyo..(at the back of my mind I was saying, kain tayu ng salad dahil ang anghang maxado nung tuna, maawa ka!)

Amer: (good thing he initiated it) Ha? Milagro! Hehehehe..tara para maka kain ka rin ng salad.

Hahahahahaha..so happy for that. Labyu Lolo, my tummy and heart was oh so full last night kahit ni lock ni ate yung gate. Urgh!

This morning, he went sa bahay around 10 and we watched One More Chance. You know the Bea-John Lloyd movie that can tear your heart. While the movie is rolling and t’was the part were Bea said ‘Ako..ako na lang ulit!’. I talked to him..

Me: Mer? Panu kung sabihan ka nang ex mo niyan? (with a curious and heart pumping heart)

Amer: Eh, ewan.

Me: Ka dry! Hahahaha..kung ako sasampalin ko talaga. (lol)

Amer: Sasabihin ko anung na kain mo?

Me: Hahahahahahaha..baka love capsule.

You know simple things but can definitely save a day. We’re both aware that we are leaving and we just make the best out of it. I love it when he texts me ‘Labyu lola!’ even if I’m just next to him. It moves me to be teary eyed when he would just squeeze my hand at the silence of the momentum. The way he held me tightly on his arms and kiss my shoulders makes me want to just be held in his arms forever.

I love you Lolo Amer, see yah as soon as we are home. Next week will be our special day and I know both of us are looking forward to it. We’ve planned for it though!

If I just knew it would be fine for your parents to go with you then I’d choose to go with you than the trip of our group. Char! Hahahahaha..labyu!

Cry of Anger! ♥

2010-09-24T12:20:00.000+08:00

T’was a rainy Thursday afternoon, I can hear the rain drops as it kisses our rooftop. I’m chatting right now and then suddenly my eyes filled with tears. I don’t know how to ponder my emotions lately. I easily get tired, get bored, my crybaby attitude visits me again.

I’m chatting with him and I definitely poured out my anger towards the people around us. One thing that sucks with him is his attitude that ‘bahala-na’ or ‘no-comment’ or he’s just good in keeping his emotions. I value his good attitude but not all the time we have to be good, right? Sometimes we have to be stupid in order for us to realize that this is reality, this is where we are trapped now!

I want him to open his eyes and even for just a sec he would try to say what he felt and voice out what would better for us. He may be a happy-go-lucky, yes-to-go-guy but I don’t want my side to perceive that attitude to be his normal one. I chose him because I know he has the heart that I want to.

Tell me, how could it be fair? Me and him just inside our home chatting and watching flicks that sometimes sucks or these two creature staying outside our house the whole night? Our parents would always remind us that we should be very careful with our actions to avoid the gossips of the neighborhood..hello? Where’s the fairness in it? And now they would treat as if we are a fugitive.

I’m mad! Upset! Galit ako! I’ve been keeping my anger the whole time but just this afternoon I can no longer hold on to it! My whole life I tried my very best not to disappoint my parents. He would tell me to understand my parents now because they were only parents. The heck! No way! I need more now their understanding.

I’m sorry for saying this but my emotions were to high that I’d better blog for now. Because I don’t know where to turn to? I’m lost! Yun bang pakiramdam mo na pinagkakaisahan ka ng mundo na ang tanging taong madadamayan mo di mo pa madamaya dahil hindi mo alam kung anung nararamdaman din niya at nasa isip niya.

..and I can’t help but cry! :’(

I Love You Game! ♥

2010-09-24T12:19:00.001+08:00

We were having kulitan when I told him to play an I Love You game with me. The rule was, state I love You word in 5 languages. I did it first..

- Pakabyaan nakun saka!

- Mahal kita!

- Gihigugma taka!

- *damn I forgot the fourth word..hahahahaha.

- Te amo!

Then its his turn..

(silence) then he said he doesn’t know any language except their language and tagalog. Hahahahahaha..I convinced him to try. Then me, nagyayabang that I won because I got 5 languages of an I love You word. Teasing him!

We were at Alvin’s car when we were playing that. We were supposed to get out of the car and me still keep on teasing him that he lost the game. He then suddenly stops me and say that he got an answer to it.

But you know what he did? He kissed me on the cheeks, just like at the photos and said, ‘yun ang sagot ko!’ Then I’m loss of words. Clearly I was the one who lose the game. Flang!

Sorry seems to be the Sweetest Word! ♥

2010-09-24T12:18:00.000+08:00

“SORRY is the hardest word to say but it can change everything!”

Exactly it is! I was so pissed with Amer last Sunday night because of what he did. (can’t say the reason) I don’t know why he did that thing but he has his reasons and I got mine.
The next day which was Monday, I can’t just ignore him because his 3 cute-little siblings were with me. I just acted I was not pissed, that I’m just fine. But deep inside I want to speak up to him and confront him about it.

That night he texted me with all those papansin text so I asked him to come by on us since it was just me and Gaga outside. I ask him to say something or explain himself to us. He doesn’t have any idea at all why he had to explain himself. Then I speak up..details..details..details.

I told him all the things that I wanted to say. I was thinking then and prepared myself if his gonna defend his side after all may taray tone but darn on earth I felt so loss of words when all he had to say is ‘SORRY’. Gaga and I were left with a smile on our faces and the angst that I’ve felt for him replaced with a huge smile on my face. The only thing that Gaga said, ‘How sweet…’
Unlike other couples if I may say, that their gonna raise their voice until it leads to a major fight. On his part he accepted his fault without clearing his part why he did it. I’m writing this now but I don’t know what are the exact words to say about that.

Masama man mag compare pero napaisip talaga ako. Sa mga naging uyab ko, siya lang yung pag may gusto ka klaruhin o di kaya may gusto kang sabihin na alam mong mali..siya lang yung di nagtataas ng boses at tinatanggap yung mga pagkakamali na karamihan sa lalaki di natatanggap pag alam nilang pwedi naman nilang madepensaan yung sarili nila. Ewan ko ba mahirap i.explain, common sense na lang. Hehehehe..

Now I’m in love again..we were star gazing outside when a falling star have shown. Before it appeared I ‘m talking to myself with all those blah-blah-blah. But whatever that blah-blah-blah were, crossfinger I swear to God ‘sana!’

Sorry was the sweetest word that night!

2010-09-24T12:17:00.001+08:00

“Its nice to know when someone waits for you to come home not because he wants to hug you but because he wants to know if your safe.”

- thanks for the walk last night Amer..love you lolo! I just miss being with you, seeing you everyday is way too different than being with each other holding hands and hugging each other.

It's all on the Wall! ♥

2010-09-24T12:14:00.001+08:00

I just find myself yesterday in tears so early in the morning. I cried in a sense that I did not take my breakfast because I lost my appetite with this burden I have. Adding on the net got busted yesterday so there was no contact with my bessies and lolo Amer. But everything went so flawless this morning because of the wall post on my wall and on Amer’s wall.

Amer post on my wall yesterday: God knows anything..LULA. (Luv U Lola Adding)

I replied: ..he does. Hahai..kapoy na mag sige og huna2x. Labyu lolo.

Before logging out I post on his wall: ..i miss you and I need you. :(

He replied: I need you and I miss you. ^_^

Ooh! That thing on our wall completed my day. Simple things but it can change my mood into a thousand smiles. Just this evening he watched with me and my family a movie, bonus na yun. I’m thankful for this day because Amer reminded me again that when things around me fail..thats the time I can count on him twice. For now the only people who understands me are my family, bessies and Amer.

I’ll try to be okay anyway.

A Blessing to Cry! ♥

2010-09-24T12:12:00.001+08:00

I cried the other night with a feeling of bothered and distracted. I was to bothered by Amer’s behavior these past few days. I know he is the person who jokes a lot but aloof most of the time. Pero never ako na bother with his attitude na ganyan.

I saw him last Wednesday outside their house, pero iba yung pakiramdam ko when I saw him that aftie. I went up on him and everything turns out right but at the back of my mind I know there is something wrong. And so i’d just go on.

Thursday evening, I get even more distracted with his behavior na. I asked him but he insisted everything was fine. I sent him a message on FB about my sentiments and concerns about our nature. He replied but I was not convinced by it. Confrontation and clarification happened last night and it turns out well, thank God!

Whatever reasons he gave why we were caught on that situation was a lesson for me and for him as well. I always tell myself that the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E and I’m doing my best to gave him when I was not hooked by my schedule. I know he did it intentionally but he made me cry unintentionally and by nature I was a crybaby you know. He made me cry a lot of times na but not a tears of pain but most of it a tears of joy.

Our relationship was not perfect. We have our flaws but we were just so good in patching our downfalls. We never raised our voice when someone would want to say something and we openly shares our emotion. So, it goes to show that the R-E-S-P-E-C-T is there.

Ang gusto ko lang naman talaga sabihin niya sa akin kung may mali sa mga ginagawa at kilos ko. I kept on telling him na I’m not perfect. I really value it pag pinagsasabihan niya ako because through it I can see that I do exist in his eyes not by my good acts but more of my bad acts and thats what he did last night.

My tears never blamed him of what had happened, its just a wake up call that were just rolling the string of our relationship no matter how much we loved each other. It has been a blessing to cry for him. Love you lolo Amer!

* naku Amer, ang hirap kaya na I want to hug you but I just can’t because papa was there..

2010-09-24T12:10:00.001+08:00

Oh well, we’ve just had a lot of talks more on our family. I really value and loved the moments whenever he shared something about his family and me on the other hand who rarely shares about the life of our family because I’m such an introverted person.

Sharing something that deals with family was not really my thing. It takes much courage of me to open up about it but I don’t know where I grabbed the guts to share then. Maybe because he’s vocal about the whereabouts of their family and he gave me a feeling that okay-adding-I -loved-to-listen.

When we were left with the noise of the waves, I was thinking what if this guy would be my heaven sent for real? How would be my life living in a world that is way to far from the world I was into. Does the values and traits that we used to when growing may affect our lives beyond the love? Muslim-Christian values.

I was staring at him whenever his mind wanders anywhere then looking back on my life before having him. I even wonder what’s on his mind when his all alone and chose to be in solitude.
Then on..days, months are not the basis of a long relationship. It goes beyond time that exist in your happiness being together and on how you respect each others individuality. Celebrating that day for sure was not an ordinary day but a day to remember with a thankful heart. I’m always thankful to God.

That day became even more sweeter because we filled it with an ‘Ice Cream!’

It's All on the Sidebar! ♥

2010-09-24T12:07:00.000+08:00

Last Monday night, I logged in to check some mails on my FB. I was busy surfing some pictures when I came across to visit Amer’s FB account. Then on I saw his sidebar again, before the one written was ‘L=ove O=nly L=ola O=k’ and now it was..

‘LULA = Luv U Lol(♥_♥)adding.’

Naks naman! I was so touched because I really appreciate his effort to do those kind of stuffs. I know only few people especially boys post that thingy on the side bar of their FB. The best thing about him, he never fails to appreciate my existence.

When I was in Manila and I was left all alone in the room. I kept on thinking about him and ask God, what on earth I have done for me to bless me this very heaven sent blessings? Blessed with my dance life, I’m blessed to have my bessies and friends, I’m even blessed to have my family and more than that to be blessed by God with someone named ‘Amer Lumna’.

The fact that his family accepts the reality between us, makes it more a blessing. Every conversation I have with his siblings was a poured blessing for me. Why not? The feeling of acceptance was there and I never doubted it.

Now I’m even more so touched because Mama said he likes Amer, whew! Sarap naman, I’m not the only one in the family who sees his good heart. Mabait naman talaga siya at dun ko siya mas lalong minahal.

But he doesn’t know that there were times that I cried at night not because I was in pain but in gladness. I cried while I pray and thanking and asking God why do I deserve this and why do I deserve him? Am I that worthy for him? Do I’m being unfair in this relationship na? I’m always busy with my dance life, I told him about it but he only sighs, as long as I’m enjoying in every endeavor I take he’ll always be there for me.

Our group will go to Butuan this week and it depends upon us if we will go or not. Whether our choreographer will insist me to go, I’ll have my final decision. I’m not going, I’ll stay with Amer and we’ll spend the 2 days together before he leaves for Marawi and me for Bukidnon.

Then just this afternoon, I put on my side bar… ‘I ♥ Amer Lumna!’

I Miss You! :'(

2010-09-24T12:02:00.002+08:00

I thought this would be easy but my heart is oh so longing for Lolo right now. Everytime we text, I never told him ‘I miss you’ but deep inside I super-duper miss his company. His wacky jokes, our trash joke to each other that makes us a kid, my coffee and ice cream mate will be gone for a month. How am I gonna deal with that? Oh well, my dance life fill it in but not all the time. Sometimes when rehearsing I just found myself staring at some point thinking already about him.

His sister told me its just a month, yes it is but ewan ko ba. You know the long-distance syndrome? Feel me! Hahahahahahaha..I’m going through that I guess. Maybe because when I woke up every morning, he welcomes it with a smile in his heart. When I came home from rehearsal, his smile draining off the stresses in me.

You know simple things that the other person fails to see, but it does really pleases me by his simple acts. Just a sit in the corner sharing a cup of coffee even without having a talk means a lot to me. Just having him around, feeling his presence, the way he holds my hand was like saying ‘I won’t ever let go..’ and giving him a hug was more of saying ‘I won’t even let go…’ makes the moment worthwhile.

Okay, I accept the defeat of missing someone. I’ll take that challenge! The distance makes me even fall for him and this relationship.

Tomorrow is our special day. It’s the birth of our relationship! That even makes me miss him, we’re not together to celebrate that special day though. We even extend the distance because I’ll be in Davao and he’s in Marawi. Ouch! I’m not expecting any surprises tomorrow but I know for sure when things fall into normal, we’ll make it up.

I miss you Lolo Amer Ko!

Meet thy Family! ♥

2010-09-24T11:57:00.002+08:00

OMG! Just this evening I was about to go to our neighbors house when Lainie, the sister of Amer called me. I thought she was just gonna ask me or what about certain stuffs but darn! She wants to have a talk with me along with their wacky family. I felt like I was clawed by a trap or something.

Amer was there of course, they keep on asking things like ‘Anu nagustuhan ko kay Amer?’, ‘Naka ilang uyab na ba ako?’, ‘Hindi ba ako natatakot na Maranao sila’, I was like ‘Wait! I’m not ready for this, AMER!’. I know Amer felt so embarrassed about the questions that his sister and his cousin has for me. Adding on the meeting that I have with the parents of Amer. Grabe! I felt like half of my body was on its grave nah. OMG! His father was so good that he made an effort to introduce me to his children (though I knew them nah) His mom was too kind to put up a smile and laughed as she listens to her daughter throw those questions on me. Until all of their relatives stepped-in and then listened to our conversation. But where was Amer? Hahahahahahaha..he stayed outside because her sister won’t stop mocking him.
The point to that meeting actually was that they do really want to hear me say that ‘Yes! We’re officially an item. Na sinagot ko si Amer. Na kami na nga!’ because they can’t believe it that I said yes to Amer. I can see it to their faces the ‘?’ mark. I wasn’t able to answer them straight why I said yes to him. Then let me justify my part here.

‘I know Amer hasn’t the physical quality of the ideal man that I was dreaming of when I was in high-school. Sabi nga nang ate niya, ‘hindi naman matangos ilong niya, hindi naman siya gwapo’. What makes him win my heart was the fact that he is a good and a true person! He may be a Muslim bound with Muslim tradition but I value the person behind that and then now he gave me a lot of reasons to fall for him, and its his family.

His sister said, hindi kaba natakot na mga Maranao kami? I simply said, ‘A lot of people stereotype the muslims as the bad ones and I want to find out me myself if really it was.’ Tawa pa siya nang tawa kasi nag english ako, ang hirap magtagalog teh! Hahahahaha..

I’m happy of what had happened tonight, I know her sister only wants to clarify the real score between me and Amer and I respect that. I love the smiles and the kilig that they felt when I was trying to hide at Amer or trying to make palaban.

Amer and I are taking things lightly, we’re not in a hurry or something, we’re just enjoying our everyday meet-up and its unplanned. I won’t say ‘I want to be part of their family but I’d like too!’

First Time! ♥

2010-09-24T11:51:00.002+08:00

I only got the chance this time to blog our very first-time to be together (I won’t call it a date) because the setting was not a date scenario and we almost postponed it.

Anyways, it happened last Friday March 26, 2010. I invited him actually to come with me at school to meet my dance mate and to give him a glimpse of how my life was before we became an item. T’was a getting-to-know-each-other stage actually and I’m so shocked to know a lot of things about him.

What I learned about him was that, its his first time to ride a ‘jeepney’ and a ‘motorela’, to eat a kwek-kwek, to roam around DV..hahahahaha. Am I a B.I.? I’ve learned that he’s really quiet but makulit by nature. I love how he laughed at certain circumstances and how he cracked his punchlines that breaks my silence. Then I just knew that he was once a blood donor for Khalid. Dun ako talagang mas na touched!

He saw me dance and as what he uses to say he was my number 1 fan na to the highest level talaga, hahahahahaha. He waited patiently for us to end our rehearsal and without even murmuring that his tired of waiting or what, but he just gave me a smile that assures me that he was okay. He smiles when I was scold by our director, he laughs when I stumble with my routine but that smile and laugh trying to say that it was ‘OK’.

Right after, we ate kwek-kwek. My beloved kwek-kwek. We walked-talked-laughed, my lil sissy on the dance troupe finally met him. I was moved by the behavior he had towards my lil sissy. I thought he was gonna shut his mouth but hey, he talked to them like they knew each other nah. I’m so touched! We did talk about me converting and be a muslim (gusto niya but he’s not provoking me), about marriage (hala! Anu daw?).

What makes that very first-time was that, it’s the first time we hold-hands. :) After a week of being an item, we finally hold each others hand. And I cherished it the most! I saw the respect that he has for me as a woman and treating me like I was one of them (muslim). He never take an advantage of the moment that we were alone. He never said things that makes me feel unloved.

His definitely a good son, a loving brother, a reliable friend and a generous partner. I thought before I was the only one who can see his good heart but the people around us as well and I guess that is what I call ‘blessed’. Yes, I am blessed because God gave me a blessing that’s worth for keeps.

Before we went home to our respective homes, he bought me an ice cream and so it was, we ended the day with a cup of ice cream sprinkled with a toppings of love. ♥

MIdnight Walk! ♥

2010-09-24T11:48:00.000+08:00

T’was just an ordinary night, not having any thought that night would turn to be special. I know he was coming home from Marawi and that he wants to surprise me but thanks to his cousin for slipping his tongue. Na palaw! :P

We we’re chatting last night like the usual stuffs we do every night. I just came home from the practice and my stomach was really starving because I haven’t eaten yet. I was into a strick ‘diet’ if you may know (char na word) right now. I only eat rice by lunch and coffee or boiled egg for morning and then evening.

I told him about that and I ask him if there was some store who’s still open for service. He just said come and we’ll look for it. Without any hesitation, I then get out of the house without my parents knowing to think t’was almost 12 am (hehehe..bad!)

And so we’ve looked for some store, and I just bought a biscuit and a coffee, but he wants to buy that ice cream for me but I’d refuse to it because ice cream is too sweet. Nakakataba masyado ang ice cream. His kinda disappointed when I rejected it but he’d understand naman. I’ll make bawi naman.

Siyempre, we talked-laughed-talked-laughed like we’ve never seen each other for years. I just love the feeling that night, oh well, its been years na rin I haven’t feel that kind of spark. I actually cried the night before because I was just moved by the things he have said. I’m not expecting that much about our relationship but everyday was like we are a new born creature who would only live to love and to explore each others nature.

“Yes, I’m definitely in love with him because he just simply makes me feel that I was loved by him..”

We end the midnight walk with huge happy smiles on our faces and a heart that’s filled with love and gratitude. We hugged each other and simply whispered, ‘I love you Lolo-I love you Lola!’

2010-09-24T11:26:00.002+08:00

Ok, I've decided to post my write ups on Tumblr about me and lolo. :D So that when I love to reminisce our happy memories, I'll just click the link on my blogspot and then voila! I'm on it! ♥

Hello Blogspot!

2010-09-21T09:19:00.003+08:00

Hi there my ever lovely blogspot? Haven't been posting here right? I was captivated by my Tumblr (easy way to blog), so I'm opt today to post one. I just miss you, you were my first official blog site and I know we've shared good and healthy thoughts together. You know my frailties and insecurities, don't you?

I once planned to leave you but my heart always cling to you, so, here I am again bumping on to you. Am I still welcomed? Please take me again to your world.. Don't you miss my confessions and secrets?

I won't leave you that's why I'm making it up to you. I may not updated you as what I was doing before but still I'll always share something sweet on you.

♥ Dreams are Made of! ♥

2010-06-24T21:21:00.006+08:00

These past months I was busy with my life. The major thing was the Pilipinas Got Talent.

"Thank you to those who've supported us and prayed for us pala.."

Prayers do really helped me to attain my dreams in life. I'm still on great awe and goosebumps people when I looked back on into my life before as an ordinary kid and now as a someone whom people recognizes then. I'm not an artista okay, really I'm not and I hate to be called one! But I do act on theater basically, I may not be the role actress but I'm good though. Blee!

When I was on my toddler (char! hanep naman nang memory ko), pre-school so to speak, t'was really my dream to perform on a big stage where people would applause and too mesmerized with my performance. I dreamed to be a ramp model, singer, dancer, and to be an artista was the least on my list. Childish dreams with childish hopes, I'm just a kid that time and I can explore everything in my fantasy and putting all those into reality was an ache to my chest. Ouch!

Growing up and living to the real world gives us a glimpse or purely life lessons, especially when I became a Psychology student. That everything can be achieve by learning and perseverance. I'm not stating here that psychology can give you all the answers in your life but not ok? I passed satisfactorily the stage of childhood and adolescent. Now I'm on my early adulthood and looking back to those stages, I've come to far to where I am now.

You don't have to stick to your 'wants' in life just let them to be your inspiration to achieve your wants. Ramp model? Why not? I can make my way a runway everyday with my oh-so-cool-get-ups. Singer? Who said singers are the only one who has a license to hold on to the microphones.. I can make our banyo a stage and can scream my heart out to the highest notes there is. Dancer? I'm enjoying my spotlight now and always. Artista? You know people..call me hypocrite or jerk for this but being an artista was no longer on my list ages ago. Showbiz and the glitzy-glamorous world of showbiz are good but it doesn't guarantee you a freedom to be yourself. It's just good to see your face on camera but off cam, no one cares about your emotions.

Anyways, dreamers like me let us keep on dreaming. Let's dream everyday and dream our hearts with happy thoughts. Take me as an example, before, I told myself I'm gonna step on into ABS-CBN and I did not even dreamed to perform there but look where my dream took me. I just dream for a big stage where people would applaud you but the entire Philippines saw me and my group performed.

I did not stick to my wish-list, I just let things happen with a proper mind set to it. And again, I'm satisfied to where my decisions led me. I'm glad I have a heart who knows to respect my mind. I know I've reached this far not because I was meant for it but I deserve it and these were my dreams are made of!

I miss you blogspot!

♥ Changes ♥

2010-03-07T22:56:00.002+08:00

* photo courtesy of Dicky!

When I started the year 2010, I prayed na sana things will go smoothly. So far, its not but this year is still a long way to go. Be positive!

Changes, just got a lot of changes in me. A simple reminder from him definitely changes a million bad acts of mine. Someone did it to me not by words or action but pure realization. I don't know why I behave this way the moment I knew something about our special friendship. If there is something that I should be thankful then is that I met him despite our beliefs and cultural differences. Lets just say, i fell in love more with the culture.

I can't put a clearer picture of us now but sure thing I'm glad to have him.

He never knew he changed me, but I welcomed the changed!

♥ Goodbye Bler! ♥

2010-02-15T22:11:00.002+08:00

I don't personally know Bler Balbuena. All I know he was playing for the Ateneo Blue Knights (Ateneo de Davao). I really salute him because his such a great player despite of his height. I met him during the Jesuit Invitational Games '08 (JIG).

What moved me was knowing the fact that he died last January 21, 2010 which was the date of my birthday. I was chatting with Dinette in Facebook just this afternoon and I ask her about Bler because I saw the album of their coach stating about his wake and burial. I ask her then and she confirmed it. She did not told me about the reason of his death but all she said it's better for him than to see him suffer.

I know your in God's hand now Bler but surely your memories will live on to our hearts. I'm glad to meet and greet you.

Goodbye and see you at the resurrection mourning! ♥

♥ Equivalent to an 'I Love You' word ♥

2010-02-14T23:08:00.004+08:00

* happy Valentines to all! For couples, single(like me), broken hearted, in-love, hopeful and all the cloud 9 emotions you have people..♥

Really, Valentines Day is just an ordinary day for me but since people keep on texting me and would say 'Happy Valentines Day!' kakabit pa ang word na 'Nana kay date?' or 'Musta ang date?' Aba? Meyganun talaga?

Anyways, i must say its all about love. Love for family, friends, spouse, partner or special someone a.k.a 'jowa'. Ang baduy ko! hahahaha...and siyempre si God. (at bumait ako bigla). O?! totoo na'to.

Family:

Family, our roots dba? Love you my family though lately i'm so unattached towards you. I'm coping naman. :) I know no matter how crap my life would be, at the end of the day you'll be the one to make me feel how special I am in many ways. Sorry and every sorry word is equivalent to an 'I love you' word.

Friends:

Hahahaha...every time I spent with you mga loko kayo, mga bruha kayo, mga bayot buang kayo is equivalent to an 'I love you' word. Amen.

Special Someone a.k.a. 'Jowa':

Naku! Ito na, sabit tayo dito. Hahaha...well, I've been single for the longest time fellas but I never felt bitter about this. In fact' I'm embracing it. But being single doesn't mean I am exempted from all the pains and aches. Even if I felt pain, I still believe that every tear I shed is equivalent to an 'I love you' word. It may be left unspoken or over used. :P

God:

My salvation, my warrior, my strength, my provider. I haven't been into church for so long now. Di naman siguro ako ganyan na kasama noh? By heart God knows I want to but my laziness always win over me which I know t'was really bad. God deserves these 3 words because every word I say on my prayer is equivalent to an 'I love you' word.

A lot of people celebrates valentines day in different ways, but the common thing they have then was all about love. Embrace every person your with now, family, friends, special someone and tell them I'm doing this because it is an equivalent to an 'I love you' word.

Happy Valentines Day!

I ♥ my Bessies!

2010-02-13T01:26:00.004+08:00

* sorry? I'm not that good with editing mga bes. :)

I don't know what I did why God gave me this two lovely ladies with very bubbly personalities. We're just actually blockmates, who turned into groupmates and then now friendship. O dba? I'm not actually part of their group at first coz I got mine pud. Looking back, I guess the friendship thingy starts when we became groupmates in FFP (correct me if I'm wrong gurls), where we went in Bukidnon which was my hometown.

Now meet these two lovely gurls and why I ♥ them the most.

Hearty:

Hearty has been my takbuhan since Conie went to Canada, takbuhan ko siya when everything around me seems to be so wrong. This girl saw me fret a lot of times. She's the very religious one, sana man lang magmana ako sayo kahit konti. Hehehe..I know a lot of people appreciate her because of her kind attitude. I love her because she gives me a lot of reason to be positive and would remind me that things happen for a reason. Sobrang simple, walang ka keme2x sa buhay. Just a text away?, darating yan, pwera lang kung lowbat ang fon. Meyganun?

Conie:

Conie is in Canada now and who says distance can create a gap? Oops! Not for us! It actually strengthen the friendship even more. Thank you Plurk and Facebook for keeping us in touch. I love this girl because she never fails to uplift us with her bungisgis laugh. Just a pop in chatroom and she's willing to listen to all of our dilemmas. Even if we communicate through our social-networking sites, I can feel and even hear her laughter. Sobrang humble at walang ka ere2x. Ms. Canada? Miss ka na ni Ms. Philippines!

Well, the only thing I know is that they were one of the best cures of my burdens. They are indeed a real friends. They are not fake! Mawala lang lahat wag lang kayo. I love you really that much that's why I value you both. I know I'm elder than them but friendship doesn't have an age limit though. Hahahaha..with their laughs and comfort, I know every pain and aches are just a piece of cake at kayo ang super matamis na toppings!

I'll always be proud of you both..sorry if I fail to do my part in your lives most of the times. :'(

God just know what's best for me and it's you my bessies! ♥

♥ With mah Gurls ♥

2010-02-03T01:14:00.003+08:00

* with my ever gurls sa dance troupe at Butcher's Best!

Nina treated as actually because of the commission that she got from her mom. They were my love of my life sa dance troupe. I love to dance with them. There is Aura (the one with glasses), my ever veteran na sa dance troupe like me. My pakner actually. Then Karissa or Kare (with a food waiting to be swallowed), the very applauded when it comes to dance because of her ballet skills. Then my lil sis Nina (in white), the super generous girl.

We may came from different family backgrounds but dance shaped us to where we are now. I love you mah gurls! Hopefully when things doesn't turn out right to us especially me, will still be proud to have each others girls. Love you!

♥ Keep on Dancing! ♥

♥ January Fever! ♥

2010-01-31T22:11:00.008+08:00

January was really my special month not just because it's the month of my birthday but a lot of awesome opportunities stepped in. Kinda so busy with my raket everywhere. After all the stress I can finally hit my mind as the keyboard complement to it.

Happy Birthday:

Birthdays are just an ordinary day for me. Like preparing foods, presents, the colorful balloons that adds color to the party, was not really my style when celebrating my birthday. Greetings and hugs are the perfect essence for me when talked about birthdays.

Last January 21, I turned 22 and I welcomed it with a very boastful heart to tell the world that I'm a more matured adult. Celebrating it with my loved ones made my birthday a very joyous one.

Grace made an effort to give me a card with all the birthday greetings of my psychmates and former block mates who's in far places nah. See? She made it possible to joint them in one event. Hahaha...it's so nice to see that people made an effort to greet me even the ones whom I haven't knew greeted me as well. Sobrang saya!

With my dance mates presents, okay it was my lil sis idea to surprise me. What she did actually, she did not make pansin for 4 days before my birthday. Sobrang na tiis niya yun and I was in pain na because how can she not make pansin without me knowing what was happening gyud. Until the day of my birthday, it was raining then and we have a rehearsal. Aura want me to changed na my rehearsal outfit nah. But the moment I opened the door after I changed, I'm just so shocked to see my lil sis and my other dance mates holding on to this cake and everybody said 'happy birthday'. Super touch ako! My lil sis said sorry and said it took her a lot of courage to not talk to me for 4 days. Maam Lago was even mad na pud for doing so. Kalurkee! Haha..

But really, every time it snapped on my mind, it brings me jud sa cloud nine. Hahaha...super saya na sobrang thank you mga mahal ko for remembering my day. I hoped I can return the same favor soon. :)

Concert Tour: Malitbog, Bukidnon

*the first photo where the venue of our concert. That was around 6 am in the morning, taking a walk to feel the cool breeze of that place. The second one was after our very gleeful show!

Finally! The concert tour kicks-off last January 24, 2009. First stop? Malitbog, Bukidnon. A place of God's wonderful creation. I love the place, the people. Money really can't cost the experience.

The bilar and chika moments, the door-to-door meal, the carry those plywood girls, the no ligo-no toothbrushing performers, Hahahaha...that's how gross we are when we performed that night. The hardships and stress was well paid by the positive feedback of the people there. It is where I saw the unity of our group. Where just new to the world of theater but our perseverance to make it was our weapon to go on with it.

On February will be hitting Surigao and Davao. Excited!

Pilipinas Got Talent:

Okay people, joining Pilipinas Got Talent was never on our agenda. But as opportunity knocks, why not grab it dba? Sir Jeff of ABS-CBN Manila visited as last Nov during our rehearsal for XIMBOLO. He watched us and then told us to why not try to audition. After that Sir Sai asked as to go for it or not. We said why not, wala namang mawawala kung matanggap o hindi. And so it goes...we get in!

Last January 30, that was for Mindanao Qualifiers. Sir Sai was hesitating actually to join or not since we only have 3 days to prepare for our piece. To think were only given two minutes to perform and two minutes was not that easy to make. But then again, we take it. Everyone of us are to eager to grab a slot for it.

The day comes to showcase our 2 minute piece in front of the judges. Kris Aquino, Ai-ai de las Alas and Mr. Freddie Garcia (former president of ABS-CBN). At the back stage, we can feel each others heart beat. Lahat talaga kinakabahan, marinig lang yung boses ni Miss Kris. Kalurkee!

But when we stepped into the stage and she said (kris) 'wow ang ganda nang costume, baby pink!' Every one of us was so gigil na to perform. The we did! We got the 3 yes from them and then voila! Manila here we come! Super naka drop lang yung jaw ni Ms. Kris the whole performance and then the 3 of them applauded us. Their smiles and applause guaranteed us a Manila trip. Sarap!

I still couldn't believe the blessings we were taking on now. God made our January so fruitful and hoped in the upcoming months di mag sasawa si God. Love you Lord!

* that's how insane my January is..lahat good vibes. Whew! :D Then with it, I win back my self. Mahal ko na naman ang dance mates ko. But I do hope kasama nung success eh less naman sa heart aches. Hahaha...meyganun? Love you my real-best-friend!

2010-01-16T00:16:00.002+08:00

Okay my dance life comes back. It started last Monday and I'm like a freak because I felt like new onto the dance floor but anyhow I miss the dance hall. It's just so nice to rehears again especially now that my partner Aura is back. God knows how glad I am to see her again dancing with us. And maybe I'm not the person I am lately. Chus!

I really like the newbies on the group namely Togas (who never fail to distract me with his blooper), Balot (who was the 'kalog' as well and the very tahimik), Jimmy (who looks like Yael but dances like one of the Streetboys. Meyganun?) and Jhong (who's so damn good with tumblings and all that hiphop moves).

I know I gotta change because its for my own good na rin. I love you self and you're doin' great so far in dealing with your dance mates. ♥

* by the way we get into the Pilipinas Got Talent! What a blessing to start the year! Go team!

-AMDG-<>

♥ T'was a Great Day ♥

2010-01-10T00:05:00.004+08:00
* my lil sis and me..♥

Message Deleted:
I’m so shocked this morning when I received a text message from an anonymous sender saying: “Saiyawi og XUCDT? Di man chada manayaw. Banga! Mga pasikat kayo. Chaka man!”

Ooohh my gash! I’m stunned and just got no idea about who the sender was and finding out it was Ate Ara who makes a trip on us. Good thing the XUCDT did not mind that stuff. She even said then that we are so good because we never hooked to her trip. Hahaha…sorry Ate Ara, better luck next time but nice try. :)
I love this Day:
After our practice just this afternoon (yes, I'm back on the dance-floor) I asked Aura (my ever great partner sa group) to roam around the gym since we're waiting for our choreographer and other dance mates. I was so shocked to see this security guard who went up on me with a very happy smile and said he was glad to see me because it's been too long he haven't seen me daw. So I was like, "wooh? Really? ...Ahuh?" Hehe...he was one of the sekyu in our campus. They were good to us naman but not all. *smile...smile..smile..Nakakataba lang talaga nang puso makita yung isang tao na masaya because of you. :'( So far, I'm not that non-sense creature rin pala.
Sort of Upset: talking about Nina
Okay, lil sis and I kinda have this misunderstanding earlier but everything was fixed agad and we did the explanation stuff on Facebook. *sosyal..hahaha. That's how interactive we are. The conversation goes like these:
Nina: you left me kanina :( cry, cry, cry :'(
Me: ...no I didn't lil sis. I thought u'l go pa sa office so we went ahead nah. I told aura to text you but u did not reply. It was not intentionally done lil sis, we were told bya pud dba na will have a talk with maam alice but you and den2x were not in sight.

Nina: it's ok big siz .. when we went down ni denise, nawala napud mo ni ate aw. I was sad :( but it's okay nah :) nabag.ohan lang gyud ko na wa ta nakasabai ug naog. damn. and oh, I was really suprised na ate shawi was around! ! ! :DDD

Me: ...u know I'll never do that (leaving). We were roaming around the gym and waiting for maam alice to arrive. Sorry somehow. ♥ Anyways, I'm glad as well she's back. Yibah!

Nina: LOL. and yeah, as what i've said .. I'm not used to it gyud :( huhuhuhu. well, at least we know our both sides nah big siz. lageeeh! i was SUPRISED gyud nah :D is ate shawi joinin' the bukidnon concert? :DDD

Me: ..yezzzz! She'll replace ate arianne for inayaw and tausug and taiza's place for baled. :)
...both of us are not use to it. :) Like your prime pic.

Nina: ooh, i see! :D greeeat! yipee! and there apat na ta teh. . including ate ara pa! HAHAHA! really? mom said na my primary photo looks cute :))

Me: ...hahaha. Yep we're for forces nah. Di na lisod i.buo ang team kay we're on the same platoon now. Roow kau ang platoon na word. :)

I just sometimes can't understand my lil sis attitude but she's nice you know and that's what I like about her. Her inconsistency of mind sometimes gets me on my nerves but she's one of the sweetest thing on the dance floor ever. Hahai..kaloka ako, nag effort ba naman akong i.lagay yung conversation namin dito. Hahaha..that's how crazy I am. ♥

♥ Change and Existence ♥

2010-01-05T19:38:00.003+08:00

I really don't understand the people around me. I want to change because I know it would make my life to live in harmony and gain the peace that I've been wanting to. I know it would create such a shit of me because I was the noisy-bossy-useless creature in this world I guess. Then suddenly all of this freakin' people keep on asking me why there was a sudden change of me. Hello? Can't you see people? I'm changing because I know it won't complicate me. I know every changed there was a reason behind.

I changed because I've learned something horrible stuffs on my group. The dance troupe to be precised. I've learned that every word we speak to others was just part of our momentum which we are stuck with and never risked your trust if that would cost much of your ego and pride.

C'mon! I'm sucked with you people who never really (i guess) know the meaning of those words and counting on the respect. Why can't you just be yourself. Tell the people of this war-freak world who you are, what are your role, why you have to do certain things and stuffs like that.

I'm telling you..I maybe a shit but you all sucked. Fakers! Well I guess from now on, I should bombarded my damn head with the thought that dance because it's my passion not because you want to be part of their world. I want to be straightforward as much as possible and tell the things who makes sense.

Bespren no more, its just an endearment anyways why take it seriously. Pity? The hell I care for the lives of others who doesn't matter to me. Not to be selfish but I don't want to lie my self anymore.

Rock my ass!

♥ Welcome 2010 ♥

2010-01-01T17:01:00.004+08:00

Welcome 2010! Don't mess with me okay? I have big dreams at stake. I think I don't need a new year's resolution because I am happy to strive for my standards and I don't think I will ever regret then. Though I prayed somehow that before I bid goodbye to 2009 I can have someone who will joined me as I witnessed the ever of new year. Hahai..but it's still a long way to go. I can wait! ♥

Another year and I'm turning 22 soon...as in so soon. ♥♥♥

♥ Last Messages for 2009 ♥

2009-12-30T23:18:00.009+08:00
* a posed for Christmas! ♥

These were the replies of my friends and loved ones sa text when I texted them for the last minute text of 2009:

Levi: I know ryt! haha.. i miss r lafing moments too glydie.. karakas kau mangatawa.. we laugh lyk ders no 2mro.. LMAO! Pee new yir! Mwaah..Ü

- she's my ever kalurkee laugh mate sa dance troupe. ♥

Karizza: ..gm un ate glyds? or wrong send ka? hehehe..bt anyways, hapy new yr! xoxo..

- i call her ballerina because she's one freakin' good with ballet.

Beryl: from now on gna col u te glyds! hehe 8z me beryl..

- beryl was my class mate of my 2 majors last sem. welcome to my life beryl!

Lindy: 'sme 2u ging..labyou alws.hapi newyr..wsh 2 c u,miz u mch..

- lindy and I were friends since high school and since then she's very special for me.

Taiza: api new year pud te glaidz! hmuah!

- taiza and I met during our ximbolo production. she happens to be our trainors' new dancer.

Uste: pee new yr pud uste hehe :D stay nlove ah. luvless mn gni ku uste. mm..

- this girl and I met last summer. we were classmate sa chemistry.

Shame: jeje..P nw yr pd ding..lage oi.. dugay ra bya q dha cdo gastay..pwo, la jd ta kbondng.. Miss u too

- shame and I met same with lindy. High School buddies! ♥

Honey: Ur wlcme ding. tnx also 4 d great frndshp. love u

- counting honey to us. (shame and lindy)

Kring2x: Happy new year pud glyd, akng gift glyd imu na gi p2s? ehehe joke ;lng.. msta na glyd? lod nlang u gift nku glyd pra pa unli.

- she's my blockmate and a close friend na pud.

Elro: pee new year pud! Mwah!

- my bebeh koh (not my bf hap) just our endearment. it all started when we watched 'you changed my life'. Bebeh koh was john lloyd and sarah's endearment dba?

Maam Wilgie: Since we hve dancd wd d d sme music. dat cant b change. d ka mgsisi na meet ko nmo. hehehe. hapi new year. 2. luv u.

- maam wilgie was our assistant moderator. very dalaga at heart.

Daryl: ebnin teh glyds! just red ur mssge. elcum! enk u too teh glyds, u'r such a frnd talaga teh glyds. gracias for evrythng! d fun nd d frndshp means lot to me.

- daryl belongs to the third sex gender. Hahahaha..and as I was saying, half of me was a guy. Ü

Hasan: Hapi new year bespren. Miz u!

- aah...bespren.

Jai2x: pee new yr pd glyd! ;) tc owez..nytienyt mwah2x!

- classmate pud..Ü

Nikki: apee 2010 ate glyds! I heart u. Ü

- my manghud sa dt aside kay lil sis nina. ♥

Nolex: Hapi new yr tanan.

- my kabaw friend. Hahahaha..miss you gwapo!

Neil: Happy New Year!

- ahm..funny to say but I met this very weird person in DV when my friends and I are watching this magic show. He asked for my number and the kind I was, I just gave na lang. Crazy!

Kuya Greg: Kapatid hapi new year. Tawag kosa imu ugma or later this afternoon. Tagae ko smart ha. Ala naku globe. I lost it. Mag.buy paku.

- that's what we call for each other. I made an entry about him before.

Julius: Hapi new year too dancer! tc. Ü

- ooooh! My player..hahaha. I knew him 2008 but we get to know each other well late 2009 nah. Hahahaha...i liked this dude.

Nina: Big siz! Ü HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010 finally came. Hope everythingwould be better nad I hope exciting na year. Ilove you and I really miss you na big siz! Ü

- i love you corinna lago! the ever great daugther of our university registrar. Hahaha...

Clement: Happy new year glai.

- the horny one..peace!

Sir Sai: thnk u pud sa nyo trust....we love u no matter wat.

- the very talented sir sai. I love you sir!

Steph: Happy new year!

- my close friend sa blessed..♥

Kaye: * HAPPY NEW YEAR!

- koreana mate nako. sweet!

Rowell: , api new year. lovelotz. tc'

- I ♥ u dodot!

Abbe: happy new yr!

- i miss you abbe!

Jamela: ate gly :) Happy new year!!

- she's my lab mate in bio and we really clicked then on.

Aimee: Halu ging! misyah! wana grit u...may u hav blessed & prosperous happy new year 2 u and ur fam. Thank u sa frndshp kau sa tnan jd ging! Ur ndeed a frend! hop mgpadaun jpun and wlng mgbgo. tc,always cic. God bless u and ur fam., luv yah! . >",<

- the small but terrible friend of mine. Labyu aim!

Hearty: ,hapi new yr ading! ,Ü

- always be my love hearty friend! ♥

Weng: Happy New Year

- i don't what he meant for me but I appreciate him though.

JM: .manding, hapi hapi newYear, extend my regards 2 ate,kuya,mama,nd papa

- my ice breaker. hahaha..

Thea: te glydz ! happy new year ! Ü mwah. love u ! x) ge lang, mka kwek2 lang ta sumday. thanks ".

- my lovable bunso. I love you too!

Robbie: hppeee new yr te gee!.. Ü I hart u much!. stay pretty,wise and smart!. thanks 4 danicing wid me,roow! hope to dance wid u again..>.<>

- robi gurl..i heart you too! adik sa korean novels. lol.

Kuya-uncle Benjo: Happy new year dear. :) Stay d same cheerful, and bubbly ading..hehe..

- oooh! my ever mahal kung kuya-uncle. His reply touched my heart jud. :'(

* 2009 already ended and I messed up at some point. I hope 2010 will not give me lots of pain and heart aches. Hahaha...meyganun? Kalurkee!

♥ Who said I'm not? ♥

2009-12-29T17:21:00.006+08:00

* I just woke up early in the morning with this picture..♥

I know some people are so suck with my attitude and yes I admit it that I have a very messy attitude except to those who would stand to the belief that I am good. It's not really easy to please people and it's not my attitude though to please everyone. I don't like either to act as if I'm this or that though in such I'm a jerk.

Plenty of Insecurities. Who said I haven't? Insecurities with my height, forehead, singing, dancing, teeth, writing. But definitely I'm not insecure with my booby. Damn! I'd rather have this boobs forever than having one like Super G. Ouch! Heavy! Hahaha...

I'm not a good daughter. Who said I'm not? As my mama would say I'm the maldita, papa said I'm the swa-il, ate said I'm the most lazy. O diba? Perfect ingredients! At some point it's an ouch but I don't mind them at all. They were the ones who raised me right? Who's to blame? But I'm not saying my parents are the worst parents of course they're not! I guess environment should we point at these time. Lets put it this way, how can they see my existence if all their minds was my shortcomings? Not fair isn't it? But my parents never raised me to be materialistic. I just love to mix my life with fashion. Fashion in a sense simple but formal.

I'm not a good student. Who said I'm not? Oh well to rate my performance, it was flap! I was once an honor student but then on I was the terrible ex-dean's Lister. I know I can stand on a debate, I can explain the theory of a particular theorist but all those stuffs? I could not just hit it!I'm afraid that people will reject me with my point of view and explanation. Oops! Forgot to say, never faced me with digits. I get choked!

I'm not a good friend. Who said I'm not? Come on people. We can never say we're all a good Samaritan. Of course not! We back bite our friends when he/she does something that irritates our eyes right? Friends are the ones who spices our lives. My friends are all great, to those whom I heartily considered 'friend' and the ones I back bite? You know who you are! And the stupid ones? For all I care! But damn! I care for my friends even the ones who failed me.

I'm a no good dancer. Who said I'm not? Okay, I've been dancing my life since gradeschool. Well with much respect to those who appreciate my dancing before, thank you very much but time goes by and everything changed. Yes..i've been into 3 dance concerts and different competitions but still I count myself as a trainee. To be pro? I don't know! Now I'm still dancing my feet on. I still have the heart and passion for it but I'm losing the sense of trust with my dancemates. Urgh!

I'm a liquor lover. Who said I'm not? Hahahaha...let me just clear people. There's nothing to be ashamed of my part if I drink. I started to drink at the age of 21 so don't get me wrong. It does hurt my pride when they say I'm palahubog because indeed I'm not. I know where and when to messed up. But if getting drunk would people noticed my existence then be it!

Im a no good lover. Who said I'm not? Sounds of bitterness? No..I've been single for almost 5 years now and you know why? Because I'm afraid to lose a part of myself. Teenagers and lovers in this generation are so horny that they were like some dogs in the street. Sorry for the word. There's nothing wrong if they expressed they love through sex but come on, if temptation caught up we can always prevent ourselves from it. Stupid you are blame each other when things went wrong. Getting pregnant and all that stuff. You all losers!

I just couldn't understand others, they know for themselves that they hate certain someone then why still cling to it? I know few people like me and a lot hate me. So why make your way crazy with me? Leave my page or else delete me in your friends list. As simple as that. Everything is in your control, just a press on your keyboard and then your free. Hahai...I'm writing this because of my condition right now and my heart just manipulated my mind. So blame it to them! I felt betrayed and taking forgranted.....who said I'm not? :'(

♥ Happy Holidays! ♥

2009-12-25T23:39:00.002+08:00
* that was actually a free greeting of this chocolate pop which kuya gigi bought for me when we were in champs before he leaves for Butuan. ♥

Well, happy-sweet-holiday-season everyone! Though we don't have the perfect noche buena but our hearts was filled oh yummy-delicious love for each other. Christmas though it's not about having the most expensive present you can give or receive but it's all about the love for family and of course God. I love you Lord my original 'Bespren!'.

I'll post a blog soon about the happenings of our celebration..Merry Christmas and spread the love! ♥

♥ Socks for my Present ♥

2009-12-21T19:38:00.006+08:00

Yipee! I got a three new pair of socks. Mama bought it yesterday when we we're in Ketkai. I know it's too mababaw for me to act like this, too childish isn't it? Hehehe..funny though! ♥ A new socks for Christmas? I wasn't even told when I us a kid that when you put a sock outside your door, Santa will put a present then at midnight. Even if I was told to, I guess I won't live with it. Hahaha..I'm no conformist you know.

I love my new kitten-inspired socks. Cold breeze at night and dawn? Worry no more because kitty socks is on the go. Hahaha...

2009-12-16T22:25:00.002+08:00

OOh! T'was taken last March when we're in Camiguin. I really want to ease at the beach and flaunt my two piece under the heat of a freakin' sun! My body complex and structure for now are too perfect for a beach babe. Whew! Hahahahaha..mey ganun? kaloka!

I'm being narcisstic lately. Hala! ♥

♥ Dumb or Numb? ♥

2009-12-16T02:25:00.003+08:00
The bitchy I was on that pic..am I? It's just a sudden product of boredom kanina. I can't think of any stuffs but to polish my nail and color my lips 'Red'. The color of love! Did I state it right? Love? I don't think so..but I was taught by my teacher in grade school that it was the color of 'sacrifice' and 'bravery'.

I sacrificed my happiness and with it, I raised the flag of bravery. ♥

Dumb or Numb? I was the dumb and he was the numb. Jerk!

* goodnight or dawnie? It's passed 2 am and my butt is still chillin'. Bye!

♥ Living my Life! ♥

2009-12-06T20:42:00.009+08:00

Hello my blog! Oh I've been idle for weeks bah? I've been busy rehearsing for our shows. The photos you've seen was from all of my latest activities. We had our dance concert, an invitation from "Pilipinas Got Talent', my oh soo lil sistah on the dance troupe's birthday, the yearly event of our school which was the Xavier Days and the raket that I got with the doctors.

XUCDT and STCC: 'XIMBOLO' (Nov. 26-27, 2009)

After all the early morning practices, fare problem, worry no more because the show was all ready through. Every production that we have, what I love most was the rehearsal especially the general run through because it is where I measure my patience towards my dance mates and of course towards myself. The cramming and last minute preparations makes my way a hell one. Ximbolo production, I consider it as my best performance so far as a dance troupe member. It was my first time to experience dance-theater and inviting my parents and seeing them on our show was the best reward ever..

Well, what matters then was the attitude after the show. I know some of my dance mates has this 'lumalaki-ang-ulo-syndrome'. Hmmm..don't like it!

Pilipinas Got Talent: (Nov. 25, 2009)

*laughing...hahahaha. I'm laughing because I can't believe it the hell we were joining with it. Not on our group to join but one of the producer ba yun o ewan ano siya urges us to join and he even reassure us that 70% guarantee that will get into the finals. Roow na dayon!

It's just so nice to recall what we've been through on and before the audition. We practiced at the dance hall with the weather's insanity. Too cold and we slept at around 3 am and woke up by 5 am. Kaloka! I love the camaraderie moments with the PGT Staffs’

Thank you po! In or out man kami, the experience was awesomely great!

*..last Dec. 18, 2009. They texted our trainor saying that we passed the audition and we'll be joining the finals. OMG! Sharon Cuneta will be one of the judges. So? Kulba?

Nina's Birthday: (Nov. 29, 2009)

"I discovered something about myself..I discovered something about the people I trust and whom to trust...." Those lines were the thing I sigh to myself the next day after Nina's birthday. I mean it, I got drunk and too wasted to the extent that I can no longer stand straight and my mind won't work as normally as I used to. It's the first time actually I got so drunk!

That night I set my mind that I'll drink as in talagang inom na parang wala nang bukas but to know who were the persons that I can trust. When liquor conquers my consciousness, I lose my control. I was lying in the sofa when I hear these two buddy (I won't mention name nah) were having a conversation I won't go on with the details but what I hear that night will always linger on my conscious and it was one of the reason why I've been so silent after the party.

Forget the very wake up call sa akin stuffs and hello happy moments. When were on a party it's inevitable that we met common friend of these and that. I met this dude whom I consider as a very thoughtful dude. I just met him but his concerns that night was somehow a whip of remedy from my agonies. He even coined me 'Tinker Bell' (isn't that cute?) now I call him 'Peter Pan'. We didn't just introduced formally but I appreciate his presence. Thank you peter pan where ever you are. ♥

XU Days '09: Engage (Nov. 02, 2009)

This was crazy! We rehearsed the dance for just a day and then voila it's show time. We danced contemporary with a concept of 'Book Dance'. I'm a bit nervous because my system was still adjusting with contemporary. So I have to do it double time.

Well! Well! Well! Bravo! I made it despite the burdens that I have. I was able to chained my fantasy and reality.

Madonna and Polymedic Doctors: (Dec. 1-9, 2009)

I superb love the raket that our choreographer assigned me. I was assigned for the Madonna and Child Maternity Hospital. Two thumbs up to all the doctors who were so accommodating to me and my company. I really like doctor Queenie Quino. She's too kind and very bubbly. I love you all dokie!

The Polymedic doctors were the very maarte and only few are too approachable. Kakabanas! They're just good in complaining as if they were dancers. Urgh!

We performed as well during their christmas party. Sobrang saya! ♥

New Friendship:

Ate Ara is the brother of my bespren. During the rehearsal for our dance concert we don't usually spend time talking things or all that girly stuffs. But after the show, we then clicked! I love her for being a humble and the one I admire when it comes to dance. She's not afraid to be lift up in the air or what which was the soo opposite of me. I wished I was like her. hahahaha..poor me!

Hopefully our friendship grows as what I have with my other dance mates. My lil sistah like her and we do both like her. ♥

* those were the things that had happen and kept me tucked-in with my schedules. Whew! masarap maging busy kung alam mong kelangan mong maging busy kasi may mali na sa paligid mo. :)

♥ Dance Therapy ♥

2009-11-15T23:01:00.006+08:00

* I can make it na jud! Good Adding! Good!

On my previous blog I know I was terribly in pain in a sense that I kept on drinking liquor as a source of comfort. My mind could not just clear it's mind to the extent that I just want to runaway like a criminal who have done a biggest offense in life. I wrote before that this week I'll decide about my dilemma but it seems that I don't need a miracle to save me now.

The incident yesterday opened my eyes that I have to deal with it, along with Kuya Gigi's realization that it's my fault in the first place. I know naman that I felt something for him but I chose to doubt myself which push me to doubt him. Not good! If he really feels something special for the girl? Then I'll go for it. I know I'm not totally on the end part of my dilemma but I'm coping now. If we're really meant to be good 'Besprens' then let it be.

Last November 12, 2009 we had a guesting at Pamahaw Espesyal and then another one tomorrow. I love it! We only have one week to set everything for our show. Be with us Lord and be with me always. I owe where I am now. I love you Lord!

Thank you dance for inspiring me to enjoy my life and thank you blog for recording my thoughts.

♥ Healing Process ♥

2009-11-11T00:19:00.004+08:00
Moving on and accepting things was never that easy especially if the person behind your pain was with you everyday. Of course the hope is there, hoping that he'll realize this and that but with my part right now he was very unpredictable. Imagine, he'll just mention the name of the girl it almost shattered my world and would just want to cry and runaway.

I'm rehearsing physically but my heart is rehearsing on the other way around. It was rehearsing the steps of healing. The last time I had this kind of burden was 2005 and it was Awen whom I have been crying for. It took me 4 years to accept and move on from that fall. With that I experience, I take it as my motivation to go on with life this time. What's harder now is that I'm with the person physically both parties but with Awen were apart.

Just like the instances kanina, he was talking then suddenly he mentioned the name of the girl. :'( Hahai..teary eyed again. :( I still have this week to decide actually from this. I'm just waiting for kuya Gigi to be here.

Know what I did since I got into this? I just keep on sending group messages living my friends a huge'?' on their minds. They were asking me what's wrong but I'm still keeping myself fine and that nothing was wrong. The guy asked me if what's really the problem. All I answered was 'I know I'm not okay. For as long I can handle the situation I'll handle it by myself and if not you know naman you're one of the people I'll rely with'. See how strong I am to say that I can handle it by myself well in fact I'm struggling and ripping.

These are my GM these past days:

(Nov. 08, 2009)

"Just because I'm miserable it doesn't mean that I can't enjoy my life..."

: it's just that all this time the things that I used to 'Believe' was a huge 'LIE"!

: Rainy day on Sunday!

"I'd rather hear the truth than hurt me with a lie.."

: flap! :'( whew! Maybe I resolved to conduct a general cleaningwith this painful mess. :( Blog I need you!

: blogging aftie..

(Nov. 08, 2009)

"A friendship that has been built by trust..will it be ended by a lie?"

: how dare you betray me self? Kita na lang gani ang magkakampi, ilalaglag mo pa ako. :( Umayos ka.

: thanks for your comfort..you know who you are. *Elro, Clement and Wewen...

: Nanait! Excited for tomorrow! *because of Elro!

(Nov. 09, 2009)

: home at last! Thank God I survived this day!

: evening!

(Nov. 10, 2009)

"Nobody loses by daring but may lose while waiting for the right moment.."
: ahm..tama pud!

: mornytz!

(Nov. 10, 2009)

"There is always a right moment to stop something..."
: still don't know if it's the right moment now..observe2x. Undecided me! Save me!

: calm morning!

* yan ang mga lakurkee kung GM..sa araw-araw na ginawa nang Diyos isa lang talaga ang dasal ko na sana kayanin ko anumang meron sa araw-araw.

The healing process for me now is too critical but I'm trying to be fine and hopefully soon enough I can get there.

♥ Happy Birthday Kuya Gigi! ♥

2009-11-03T22:59:00.005+08:00

Here was my message kay Kuya Gi on his birthday. I sent it through message on Facebook:

"Hi kuya Gi! Hapi Burtdei! I had a comment diba in one of your friends post nga mag make ko og birthday speech sa imo. So here it is...
Ahm..where will I start? Charlang! Who would ever thought in this world na mag ka amigo tah kuya? I mean sharing of stuffs and all. Sa Talisayan kuya we are just like passers na would not even care to say 'hi' or 'hello' to each other. Not until the Davao experience. Remember when I'm so wasted the last night nato sa Davao? I don't know what pushed you to listen from all of my so-called childish agony.(ulaw) Hahahaha...:P. So super thank you kau kuya. Then on we had a good communication and accepted na by pamet you calling me a 'salikat' coz you know I'm not. Hahahaha...but after that incident (davao) it is where I appreciate your presence. I appreciate your kindness. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I appreciate you kuya Gi. Thank you kayo kuya Gi for your time for listening *again sa akong mga childish dilemma.
Bumalik ka na kasi my counselor! Hahahaha...bitaw kuya Gi.
Still have a lot of things to share. (if you're interested to know) :D Kaya I'll charge na my emotions *sniffs* para when you're here na I'm strong enough to share then. Charlang!
Happy burtdei again kuya! More beers. More Girls? (counted ba?) Hehehe...you're XUCDT and Saiyawi family misses you nah. We love you kuya Gi."

Kuya Gi has been a good comforter. Everyone loves him. I miss my counselor. My sumbungan. Love you Kuya Gi! :*

♥ Cry Me a River ♥

2009-11-02T15:33:00.005+08:00
I don't have to say it. I just to have write. It was painful enough and now writing bores my heart into tears. Whew! I hate myself for feeling this way. Why I have to feel this? Why she's getting on my way?! Reading those stuffs, seeing some action, creating on a doubt of friendship. Damn it!

Now tell me? Am I still trusting the right persons? Lord the heck was happening? I treated them well and welcome them with the right attitude but why make things mess up? Betrayed or just me myself denying the real thing? I'm not saying in love (di naman talaga) I just don't want to lose the person whom I treated as a 'Bespren'. Well then, I take things seriously though it should not be that way.

That 'girl' is such a crap! Why she used to get what use to be mine? What the hell is wrong with you? Live a life! Leave my close friends alone! I don't want to be mad at you but you're pissing my damn ass off! Have a shame girl! Are you that desperate? Oh well thanks to you anyways because if not with my anger towards you, a friend and me won't fixed things to which it where belong..

* Give me time to fixed this...ma text nga yung kaibigan. (5 hours or so after..)

I'm a bit calm now (jealous?).Well he did say he like the girl but still trying to know her. On the other hand, he was afraid to know the real side of me and what he meant for me. And all I can say is.....

"...I know what you mean to me but all i have for now to say is that I don't want to lose you because I need you to be there for me always."

:'(

♥ Broken Hearted Me ♥

2009-11-01T12:42:00.004+08:00
* Alone + Lonely= Alonly! :D Not really...I don't know lately but he used to crossed my mind. 4 years ago I was in pain and fret like a child. Now? I'm no longer in pain but I'm anticipating because I only have 2 years to gain my freedom from 4 years of agony.

* I love this song talaga..I all love the songs of Anne Murray:

Every now and then I cry
Every night you keep stayin' on my mind
All my friends say I'll survive
It just takes time

Chorus:

But I don't think time is gonna heal this broken heart
No I don't see how it can if it's broken all apart
A million miracles could never stop the pain
Or put all the pieces together again
No I don't think time is gonna heal this broken heart
No I don't see how it can while we are still apart
And when you hear this song
I hope that you will see
That time won't heal a broken-hearted me

Every day is just the same
Playing' games, different lovers, different names
They keep saying' I'll survive
It just takes time

Time won't heal a broken-hearted me

♥ Veritas Liberabit Vos (truth shall set you free) ♥

2009-10-23T21:53:00.007+08:00
I had a great time talking with Patty over the phone last night. Patty is a friend with a God given talent of humor. Oh! Let's just say that Patty belongs to what we call a 'third sex'. Hahahaha.. Bayot ba? Well, I miss that friend talaga. He/she makes me laugh everytime we had a conversation. He was my movie buddy as well.

Anyways, that night when we talked. I had a lot of realizations. A week ago he had this wall post on facebook stating that 'It was so refreshing to tell the truth!' I asked him who's the particular person he was pointing out on that post. He said that it was nothing. That its just his mind boggling him with some non-sense. Then later on he said that being at peace with someone whom you have a conflict with for a long time and if you would just let time heal all your wounds. At the end, everything will take place on it's own without asking why it happened, what causes the gap. Things like that.

It is indeed refreshing to tell the truth. It may be a painful truth, a joyous truth, a tearful truth. One of the fears that I have is knowing the truth. But I always want to tell the truth. I'm dealing with a person right now whom I'm scared to know the truth about us. A person whom I can't figure out how to spell the 'T-R-U-T-H' about us. A person whom the two of us can't find the courage to explain the truth why we falter at the end. A person whom I told the truth but told me a 'lie'?

Ganyan lang talaga ang buhay. If it's really in your heart to tell something true with an open heart to face the consequences then go on! Its all about winning and losing. The truth will set you free!

♥ Tuesdays with Morrie ♥

2009-10-13T21:17:00.004+08:00
Have you tried watching a flick that burst you out into tears because of the flick's storyline? Oh dude! Swear! 'Tuesdays with Morrie' filled my eyes with tears from the start till the end. It was so insane that I was crying in front of my monitor. It hurts..really! It hurts to see Morrie especially when he mourns at midnight. I love the part where he changed Mitch perspective about time and life.

Truly indeed the movie reminds us of our parents and our grandparents, about life in living with our regrets and pride,money, time. Everything that we faced on our daily lives. I was moved actually. Different realizations and understanding crossed my mind.

I urge my sister to watch the flick and warned her about it cause it will torn her heart talaga. Hahaha..she said she had no time from all my insanity. But then she watched it and not even have the courage to finish it. She can't take to see Morrie with his illness.

Let's be grateful actually and cherish the moments with our loved ones. Thank you Lord for still keeping me up and for putting my heart at peace. To God be the Glory! If you haven't seen this flick, then better watch it now.

♥ Facebook, thoughts and everything! ♥

2009-10-12T23:27:00.004+08:00
Okei..got nothing else to do right now but to stare at the monitor and glance at my Biology Lab Manual. I'll just right anything that will cross my mind at these moment.
I'm playing Pet Society on Facebook and I'm loving my pet more everyday!
Checking on my previous exam results and it sucked!
Got a message from Ricky and Desiree..
"Kapoi jud mag study pero lain man pud kung di mag skwela!"
Ricky send me again a message..whew!
Just posted a wall on Facebook...
Ricky Dicky again sent me a message...
Oh..I'm thinking if Kuya Erikoy will buy me my fave hand sanitizer.
Nico and I's clarification tomorrow?
I'm not in love, I'm just inspired!
♫..now I know love exist..cause your standing rihg next to me...♫♪
visiting friends on Facebook..
Trying to play a new game on Facebook..Country Story!
Got a message from Kuya Gege..
Urgh! I can't relate to Country Story!
I need to rest na cause even if I spent an hour or so. My brain won't function though.
Huhuhu...I don't want to fail sa Biology. Lord help me.
I'm sleepy na jud...goodnight blogspot! I need to be prisoned in the library tomorrow morning to be sentenced with dying-nose-bleeding-words of Biology. Please guide me Lord as I take my final exam in Biology 32. :'(

♥ Twin Victory! ♥

2009-10-11T15:54:00.004+08:00

History repeats itself! (I should say) Since the opening of the season, I was in great hopes that the Blue Eagles will have a back-to-back championship and it was! I was not active this season actually unlike the previous years that I would not attend class just to wathced their games, I mean I haven't watched their games consecutively. As to sort things, I saw their game this season only ones and not even finishing the quarter. Before I say my thoughts and my super tremendous emotion for their victory let me share to you what happen to me that afternoon.

Really I did not witnessed the action. I was in school, particularly at the dance troupe office. We we're watching Titanic. The night before the championship I prayed and told myself that whatever the outcomes tomorrow, I'll accept it.(base on UE's performance last Sunday) Now, while watching the movie. There was this part wherein Rose will throw that diamond necklace and she was holding it with her palm close. I told myself that if the color would be green then Ateneo won't be the champion.

My heart was racing out. The moment she opened it. I was so shocked to see that the necklace was color blue. Oh damn! How could it be? What does it mean? I did not take it as a sign in the first place but it was. My friend keep on texting and updating me about the game. I had an exam that day. So i left my other phone to my dance mate so that I can focus my mind with my exam and not to the game.

After taking my so nose bleeding, brain draining biology exam. I open my phone reading on my friend's message saying that she can feels a championship in favor for Ateneo. I currently rushed to the dance hall and to think it was 6th floor but i never felt tired or what. The only thing that's on my mind was "...was thank you Lord..thank you Lord..".

The whole evening during our dance rehearsal, my mask had a big smile. A dancemate even said 'masaya ka nga talaga..abot langit ang ngiti mo.' Hahahaha....yeah right!

Woohoo! Kudos again to you Blue Eagles and Eaglets! That's what you call a Twin Victory. I could not ask for more this year because of it. Masaya na naman ang isang buong taon ko. Next year, I won't assume for a back-to-back-to-back title but if it's meant to be that way then to God be the Glory! Ang sarap talaga maging Atenista!

*...last year my friends and I have our own version of bonfire. Suppose to be we sholud have it yesterday but for some reasons we postponed it. Hahai...Go Ateneo!

Tagubilin at Habilin by Jose F. Lacaba

2009-10-09T22:14:00.001+08:00

I want to share with you a poem written by Jose F. Lacaba.

The poem was so nice because it's really the reality within us.
Here...understand and learn from it....

Tagubilin at Habilin by Jose F. Lacaba

Mabuhay ka, kaibigan!
Mabuhay ka!
Iyan ang una’t huli kong
Tagubilin at habilin:
Mabuhay ka!

Sa edad kong ito, marami akong maibibigay na payo.
Mayaman ako sa payo.

Maghugas ka ng kamay bago kumain.
Maghugas ka ng kamay pagkatapos kumain.
Pero huwag kang maghuhugas ng kamay para lang makaiwas sa sisi.
Huwag kang maghuhugas ng kamay kung may inaapi
Na kaya mong tulungan.

Paupuin sa bus ang matatanda at ang mga may kalong na sanggol.
Magpasalamat sa nagmamagandang-loob.
Matuto sa karanasan ng matatanda
Pero huwag magpatali sa kaisipang makaluma.

Huwag piliting matulog kung ayaw kang dalawin ng antok.
Huwag pag-aksayahan ng panahon ang walang utang na loob.
Huwag makipagtalo sa bobo at baka ka mapagkamalang bobo.
Huwag bubulong-bulong sa mga panahong kailangang sumigaw.

Huwag kang manalig sa bulung-bulungan.
Huwag kang papatay-patay sa ilalim ng pabitin.
Huwag kang tutulog-tulog sa pansitan.

Umawit ka kung nag-iisa sa banyo.
Umawit ka sa piling ng barkada.
Umawit ka kung nalulungkot.
Umawit ka kung masaya.

Ingat lang.

Huwag kang aawit ng “My Way” sa videoke bar at baka ka mabaril.
Huwag kang magsindi ng sigarilyo sa gasolinahan.
Dahan-dahan sa matatarik na landas.
Dahan-dahan sa malulubak na daan.

Higit sa lahat, inuulit ko:

Mabuhay ka, kaibigan!
Mabuhay ka!
Iyan ang una’t huli kong
Tagubilin at habilin:
Mabuhay ka!

Maraming bagay sa mundo na nakakadismaya.
Mabuhay ka.
Maraming problema ang mundo na wala na yatang lunas.
Mabuhay ka.

Sa hirap ng panahon, sa harap ng kabiguan,
Kung minsan ay gusto mo nang mamatay.
Gusto mong maglaslas ng pulso kung sawi sa pag-ibig.
Gusto mong uminom ng lason kung wala nang makain.
Gusto mong magbigti kung napakabigat ng mga pasanin.
Gusto mong pasabugin ang bungo mo kung maraming gumugulo sa utak.

Huwag kang patatalo. Huwag kang susuko.

Narinig mo ang sinasabi ng awitin:
“Gising at magbangon sa pagkagupiling,
Sa pagkakatulog na lubhang mahimbing.”
Gumising ka kung hinaharana ka ng pag-ibig.
Bumangon ka kung nananawagan ang kapuspalad.

Ang sabi ng iba: “Ang matapang ay walang-takot lumaban.”
Ang sabi ko naman: Ang tunay na matapang ay lumalaban
Kahit natatakot.

Lumaban ka kung inginungodngod ang nguso mo sa putik.
Bumalikwas ka kung tinatapak-tapakan ka.
Buong-tapang mong ipaglaban ang iyong mga prinsipyo
Kahit hindi ka sigurado na agad-agad kang mananalo.

Mabuhay ka, kaibigan!
Mabuhay ka!
Iyan ang una’t huli kong
Tagubilin at habilin:
Mabuhay ka!

...nakaka struck yung poem..hindi ba?...

♥ Capsule of Peace ♥

2009-10-09T00:24:00.003+08:00

I'm not sick when I did it, I'm not even drunk when I did it. I don't know what leads me last Wednesday to have the initiative to approach him. Really that person have been special to me but as we have it, certain point in our lives we have this confusion and me personally was such a 'sumhanon' type.

We're not okay actually the moment we leave for Davao and it even get worst right after Davao. Some may deny it that their pride takes them but in our case I really let my pride get in the way. I know my pride will give me the space to renew and rethink the events around me.

Enough of this..I'm glad we're okay now. You know who you are. I'm not assuming that we can still treat each other the way we have it before. I don't have plans either to bridge the gap between us. Maybe God was the one who gave me the capsule of peace. Thank you Lord for the courage and for understanding me those times that I was confused and hesitant. You know me Lord and you know the plans that I have for the future.

♥ It's Him! ♥

2009-09-20T22:22:00.008+08:00

" I passed by beside the gym and saw this great cager who was so good with hoops and the one that I've been dying to meet. I tried to smile but he just stared at me. Besides I'm just an Atenean girl who only knows great dance steps while his this star player and he'll never admire a girl like me. "

* that pic was taken actually after their championship game against XU. Thanks to Ate Janet (wife of their assistant coach), for somehow putting my fantasy into a reality. hehe..just a fan who admires an idol.

*..I was captivated actually from the way he plays and damn, I can't cope with this right now.

♥ Extreme Happiness ♥

2009-09-17T21:50:00.008+08:00

"...my super friend, Sheena Ortillo!"

My heart right now is oh so filled with happiness. I know I felt this since last Saturday and up to this day. Last week I was faced with much trouble and problems but along the way, time gave me the strength to hold on and win back myself. Now, I'm going to write the reasons of this extreme happiness.

♥ Peace on Earth! ♥
It's because after the so-called misunderstanding that leads to a major trouble, my dance mates and I are so fine now. It's just that now we're bridging the gap and I know we're getting there. I love you pa rin despite the faults that we have. You'll always be my younger brother and sisters. I love you!

♥ Super Friend ♥
Who can forget a friend who's been a huge part of your life? Sheena and I were batch mates during our elementary years. We used to be so kikay and we even compete with each other regarding the latest trends and etc., Hahaha..it does amazed me last sunday when I saw her along with the impression na 'oh damn! Siya ba talaga to?' We'd actually lost our communication after our graduation and it's been 10 years we haven't seen each other. Now, thank God for the cyberspace commonly known as 'Friendster'. Through friendster I found her and I owe it sobra sa on-line world.

♥ Value of Friendship ♥
Never ever would I thought that the people whom I hated before are the ones whom I love now. I admit I did close my heart of welcoming those people for some childish reasons and for the pride as well. But there are the ones who opened my eyes and touched my heart. They proved it to me when I chose not to show up for a week on the dance troupe. I've seen their concerns and longingness to have me back. Thank you sa inyo, sobrang I can't afford to lose you nah.

♥ Coach to Coast ♥
O diba? Hahahahaha...I was 'buang' as they say over this assistant coach on our school team. Super I was having that high-school-crush-phenomenon whenever I see him on the campus. That coach rin was my cousin's mentor, akalain niyo ba naman we had a chit-chat moment last wednesday. O diba? haba nang hair ko teh! Along with the parang asking our moderator na ewan ko ba. Naughty smile pa jud xa yotch! hai..makasala man sad tah, salikat lyt! Ahw!

...one more thing that I appreciate a lot. You don't have to be in a relationship just to attain such satisfaction or happiness like a boyfriend could do. Roow na daun! Just like my super friend, she doesn't have a boyfriend since birth but she's happy right? Naku kayo jan, stop trying yourself to save a relationship well in fact it's your fight alone na lang and no longer a couple's fight. Tsk!

♥ ooppps! Masaya lang! ♥

2009-09-16T10:47:00.005+08:00

: I really love this pic, not just because the kid is wearing an 'Ateneo' jersey but because I love kiddos. How I really wish i was a kid then. Hehehehe...just love their carefree nature.

: my heart is filled with joy lang talaga, masaya lang talaga ako with no further reasons. I'm just glad feeling this way because it's been weeks that I'm not healthy emotionally. But thank God I'm okay now. That's the way life goes...pain? Move on! Happy? Take it on!

..then I'm taking it on!

♥ Boombells lang jud ka ♥

2009-09-15T11:50:00.007+08:00

* this was my entry on facebook and multiply. I'm actually, i'm just get thrilled with the comments of my friends about this. So there comment as well was on the last part of this post.

I guess it's really clear to those who are a cyber-oriented person the meaning of 'Blog'. Okay except to those who are a narrow minded creature. I understand!
Writing is my way of expressing all my upbringings. I can throw away all my emotions here and why not? Democracy Country. Freedom of Expression. Galit ako kaya magsusulat ako. Masaya ako kaya magsusulat ako. Nasaktan ako kaya magsusulat ako. What's the big deal then? Boombells!

If someone is reacting from all my write ups, either way they are affected or they are amazed.But then folks, once i wrote it, i will never regret it. Boombells ka talaga!

"I know there's someone out there who's just too paranoid to react about my blog in one of my online account. I pity you little creature, ahm?, hello my entry is not a nuclear bomb that when someone will read it, it will explode automatically right in front of their monitors. Why be so affected? Boombells!"

All I know for now, I'm writing this because I'm glad, i'm inspired, grateful, thankful. Basta I'm oh so full of emotions right now. O ano? Do i have to tell the reasons behind those emotions pa ba? Baka nagiging praning ka na naman jan.Huwag ka mag malinis na hindi ikaw ang nag pasimuno, kilala nakita.Pa counsel ka kaya? Not with me because if you were my patient i would recommend you to other psychologist sakit ka lang sa ulo. Kung sabagay di naman ganun ka lawak pag-iisip mo. I guess your mind is just full of 'rhizopus', are you familiar with it? Oh sorry..try to search na lang. Boombells!

Hahai..whatever i say. I'll shut na my mouth because I know that I'm already okay but never hit me again ha? Huwag niyo na diligan yung bulaklak baka sa sobrang pamumukadkad, mapitas ko pa. Basta your'e so pathethic. Boombells!

* but don't print my write ups! I did give you the freedom to read it but not to print it. Private pa rin siya and it's' mine'. Boombells!

Comment 101:

Danwel: Yah ding I understand your point, but always remember, freedom has its limitation.

- dani..yah freedom has it's limitations but not all has it's schema of limitations when their emotions fill them up.

Aura: hihihi, i guess its safe dat way ding,...shut our mouth nlng jd, n act as if we dont care nlng,.

- yes xau..exactly! if ma gets niya kinsa xa, pak2x daghan jud ko kai di dai xa in.ana ka boombells!

Thea: **controversial lamang :))

- bunso? done reading my blog on my 'multiply'? wee!

Bhing: intriga ko ani.. may i know this pokemon?

- Bhing, sige lang u'll know soon enuf things will be fix nah. miss you sa dt bhing.

Dani: Correct jud ding!!!

Guene: ding ding ding ?? knsa nii??? i pm sa akO beeh, dli nka ga cheka miss u naaah :c

♥ Now I'm okay..Ü ♥

2009-09-15T09:49:00.008+08:00

After months of not attending to this blog account, I'm finally back. It was never really my plan already to update this account because of the many cyber accounts that I have. But there just this incident that put me in a trouble because of the entry that I post on my multiply.

I was satisfied with the mind setting that no one would care to spend a time to read all of my thoughts on my note, blog, journal, etc., then the conflict was over and everything was fixed.

So now, I've decided to activate this stuff because none of my friends know this account. No one can ever stop me from this therapy, on-line blogging is my ever best friend and my favorite sumbungan from all of my pains, joys and sorrow.

Welcome Back Adding!

Legally Woman...onwards!

2009-01-23T00:37:00.001+08:00

It's so much different now whenever i view my profile on FS, MySpace, Facebook and Multiply. Last January 20, 20 years old lang ako and then the next day and onwards I'm 21 na.
Why is it that most of the people do go praning pag nag e-exceed yung age nila? Or making it too young pag tinatanong sila. Me talaga I'm looking forward na mag to-24 na ako. Not because i want to get married (but for God's sake,huwag pa po sana at that time) but they are a lot of things in my life that i couldn't just spill it out or even let it go. I couldn't find the answer till now and i know for sure at that age i can find the answers.
Why I'm so emo then?..i'm supposed to share the happenings of my birthday but it goes another way around. My celebration was masaya, pero super hindi ko maramdaman na birthday ko pala. Unlike the other years na, kahit Jan 1 pa ay super excited na ako. But on my 21st birthday, i don't why I'm feeling this emptiness. Shit! I'm trying to make a rapor with my dancemates, family and friends but I'm damn struggling inside.
Basta..the thing that matters was that on my 21 years (naiiyak ako hap!)
"Marami naring nagbago not just within me but with the people whom i consider or i owe a lot as part of my growing. May dumarating na bigla-bigla sa kadahilanan na di mo maisip bakit biglang nag laho. Kahit anong gawin mong paglimot, wala kang magawa kasi bahagi na talaga sila nang buhay mo. it was never on my vocabulary rin na sana ganito-ganyan, nasa na nakinig na lang ako ni ganito-ganyan. I'm having a hangover right now, not with alcholol but with this terrible burden inside me."
Basta super thankful pa rin ako kay Best Friend God for giving me a life that's full of realizations. I'll be fine soon....

In Times of Trouble...why Lord?

2009-01-14T00:51:00.003+08:00
It's been days since the weather strikes in our place...i can't sleep right now because of it. From the pouring rain along with it's strong winds. I'm just listening to a inspirational songs right now. Hahai..hopefully when i wake up tomorrow the sun will rise again as my heart do as well.
Why we can only seek God's care when we are in trouble? Why can't we just ask for his guidance and blessings everyday?
Right now..i desperately needs his help. I cry for his help. Lord, please do save us from this trouble and heal thy broken hearts for only you our Lord can heal us.